


everything's better with beanie babies

by isadorator



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Emotional Constipation, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gabriel Agreste's A+ Parenting, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Identity Reveal, aka Gabriel originally had the peacock miraculous and mama agreste had the butterfly, mild spoilers for s2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 11:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12034827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isadorator/pseuds/isadorator
Summary: The Agrestes are equally terrible at hiding secret identities while under pressure.





	everything's better with beanie babies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zaphirite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaphirite/gifts).



> Thanks to Hallie (clairelutra) betaing, I was able to finish this ridiculous fic in time for Crispy's (Zaphirite) birthday!!! :'D
> 
> Crispy, you helped me come up with this cracktastic AU, and I want you to know that you mean the world to me. Thank you for dropping a whole bunch of prompts on me because it led to you being my best friend and letting me get to know you and I'm just!! so happy!!! that it's your birthday today!!!! SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! ♥♥♥

Gabriel shouldered open the door of the café, quickly getting into line and just as quickly tuning out his surroundings to focus on his sketchbook.

He scribbled out the third hoodie he’d drawn today and sighed. His professor for Advanced Fashion Design would never accept something so casual for his end-of-term project. It needed be something…something—

“Perfect,” Gabriel muttered as he looked up from the page, only to freeze when he met amused, green eyes.

“You’re bold this morning,” the pretty barista teased. “Double espresso again?”

Even if this small café was the closest one to his classes, he came in here entirely too often if the baristas were memorizing his orders. Especially _this_ one.

This barista was an impressionist vision, with her soft blonde hair pulled into a loose bun and her smile crinkling her eyes, lending charm to her heart-shaped face. If Gabriel was less occupied with his course load and interning at his father’s company, he may have felt inclined to ask her to model for him.

(No matter what Duusu said, it was _not_ a crush. His was a purely aesthetic appreciation of her beauty, and he would absolutely not allow himself to nurse such childish affections. It was unthinkable.)

The silence stretched, and the barista held back a laugh as Gabriel felt his face heat against his will.

( _He did not have a crush_.)

“Yes, thank you,” said Gabriel, trying to get a hold of himself. “Please add a croissant to the order, Mme…” His eyes darted down to her name tag. Curiously, she never wore the same one twice. Today, she hadn’t even bothered putting one on, opting instead for a pin with a sideways eight on it. “…Infinity?”

The newly dubbed Mme Infinity grinned, revealing her bunny teeth. “That’ll be €4, monsieur.”

Gabriel reached into his blazer for his wallet, giving himself time to gather his wits— _not that he needed it, he was perfectly capable of ordering breakfast without being distracted_ —

The peacock kwami he was holding out instead of his wallet begged to differ.

Mme Infinity stared at the extremely stiff Duusu, mouth parting as she pointed at the kwami _he was still showing her_. “That’s—!”

“A Beanie Baby,” interrupted Gabriel, swiftly tucking Duusu back into his blazer. He kept his face neutral as he thought faster than he ever had in his entire life. “Quite popular in America right now, I understand. I’ve been studying them for class.” _That was too many details, you’re making this lie seem less believable_. Gabriel pulled out his wallet, mentally stilling his shaking fingers. “My apologies, €5 you said?”

Her eyes darted from his blazer to his face to his wallet and then back to his face. She slowly put down her hand and swallowed, a pink flush appearing on her cheeks.

Suddenly, Gabriel found it very hard to concentrate.

“€4,” she answered quietly, taking the euro note he held out to her and opening the till. “Christophe, a double espresso please!”

The dreadlocked barista (who Gabriel now realized had been watching the entire exchange) flashed him a cheeky grin and settled into making his espresso.

All too soon, Gabriel was tucking away his change and croissant as Mme Infinity presented him with his drink. She seemed to have recovered, shooting him a wink that twisted his insides with— _absolutely nothing_.

“Don’t forget your receipt,” she said with a sly smile.

Later, when Gabriel settled down into a quiet corner of the library with his breakfast and sketch book, Duusu popped out of his blazer with a squinty-eyed pout.

“I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry,” said the kwami. “A Beanie Baby? _Really?_ ”

“Hush,” said Gabriel. “I need to finish this design before tomorrow.”

“You’ll be fine, you’ll come up with something brilliant at the last minute like you always do,” said Duusu, waving his stub dismissively.

Gabriel wasn’t sure if he should be pleased with the compliment, back-handed as it was.

“ _More importantly_ , have you checked your receipt?” Duusu demanded, flying into Gabriel’s face. His kwami’s feathered tail was quivering with excitement. “Ooooooh, what if it’s a love letter?!”

Scoffing as he reached into his pocket for the slip of paper, Gabriel shot his kwami a withering look. “As if that barista would bother with such silly—”

Gabriel froze. When he held up the receipt for Duusu, he saw the back of it for the first time.

There, in purple ink, was a woman’s name, a number, and the message ‘Call me, handsome!’ punctuated with a heart-winged butterfly.

It was a miracle that Duusu’s squeal of delight didn’t get them kicked out.

  


* * *

  


Years later, Gabriel closed the safe door, locking away the Peacock Miraculous again. Gently pushing his wife’s painting back over the safe, Gabriel sat at his desk and went through his company’s finances until his appointment arrived.

The knock on his office door came quickly, and Gabriel almost asked Nathalie to open it before remembering she called in sick. Sighing through his nose, he stood and walked over to the door, swinging it open quickly.

His son was fidgeting outside, jumping when Gabriel appeared. “F-Father! Hi!”

“Adrien,” said Gabriel, clasping his hands behind his back. He walked back to his desk, fully expecting Adrien to follow. “Do you know why I called you here today?”

As he sat in his chair, Gabriel saw Adrien tighten his grip on his school bag.

“Did…you want to go out for dinner? Together?” his son guessed, looking hopeful.

“Of course not, we have a perfectly good chef,” said Gabriel. As Adrien’s smile fell, Gabriel clasped his hands in front of him. “No, we’re here to talk about your education.”

“My education?” Adrien echoed.

“Yes. Normally, Nathalie would be handling this, but as she’s come down with the flu…” Gabriel trailed off and then extended his hand, waiting. “I believe report cards were handed out today.”

Adrien jolted before looking up at Gabriel with wide eyes.

“O-of course! Let me just—” Adrien paused to tear open his bag and rummage inside before pulling out a kwami. “Here! I hope—”

A black kwami with cat ears. One held in Adrien’s hand, which _coincidentally_ bore a silver ring shaped exactly the same as the Black Cat Miraculous.

There were no words to describe how furious Gabriel was—at himself for missing what were now painfully obvious clues, at Adrien for daring to defy his father and put himself in more danger than he could possibly imagine, at his staff for not noticing that their charge was a _superhero_ —

“U-uh, this, um—it’s uh,” Adrien began, no doubt trying to come up with an excuse as to why he had a kwami.

Except he wouldn’t know that Gabriel knew about kwami. There was still a way to salvage this situation until Gabriel could take a moment to incorporate this new information into his plans.

(And he ignored the look of panic and shock on his son’s face that reminded him of golden sunlight in a café, so many years ago.)

(…Now there was an idea.)

“A Beanie Baby,” Gabriel reasoned for his son, his face carefully blank. “I didn’t realize they were still popular with people of your age group.”

“A…Beanie Baby?” Adrien repeated slowly. He held his kwami closer to him, no recognition of the term in his eyes.

Gabriel abruptly felt very old.

“Yes, a Beanie Baby, a vaguely animal-like doll such as the one in your hand,” said Gabriel, his tone deliberately sharp. “I’m growing tired of these stalling tactics—your report card, Adrien. _Now_.”

“R-right!”

Adrien hurriedly tucked his kwami back out of sight and pulled out the report card. Gabriel took it, noting the relieved slump of Adrien’s shoulders, before putting revelations regarding Chat Noir aside to review the report.

“So, Father,” Adrien began, breaking the silence. “Do you…like, uh, Beanie Babies?”

Glancing at Adrien over the rim of his glasses, Gabriel folded a hand under his chin as he went back to reading. “I would _like_ you to have a better mark in Arts and Crafts.”

His son laughed sheepishly and dropped the subject.

  


* * *

  


But did not forget, apparently. The Beanie Baby gift basket Nathalie presented him on Father’s Day proved that.

Gabriel eyed the stuffed animals and toiletries suspiciously as Nathalie plucked an envelope from its depths.

“For you, sir,” she said, offering it to him.

Inside was a gift certificate for a Parent-Child day at a spa. Paid for out of Adrien’s own savings, no doubt.

Gabriel turned his head to take in the painting of his wife.

…Well. There was bound to be at least _one_ emotionally vulnerable person at the spa. He could make it a working holiday.


End file.
